2AM

It's 2am

Should I call her?

To share my inner deep emotions, 

Which I have never been talked with anyone else before.

To tell why I am so depressed, 

Reason why I tried to kill myself.

As the doctor said I can be happy again, 

why I took those pills without any hesitation. 

I know she really cares,

But it's 2am now,

She's probably sleeping or studing

Or maybe she might be fighting an unknown battle as me.

Because if I call,

She will definitely come.

No matter how hard it is,

I will do the same for her.

But she lives her own life now.

We are not that 16 year old kids anymore.

Life is hard.

She is a soldier too.

If she comes to defend me, 

She will loose her own battle too.

So let me shut my mouth,

To keep this silence.

We are fighting together, 

Yet alone in our own battles.

You can't save anybody else

But only yourself. 

Nope..

It's not being selfish or egotistical 

I love her with all I have,

I know she do too.

That's why life is even lonelier,

And there's nothing you can do.

                                        -Niki-               

Mr.Death Asked Me Out!

Every sleepless night he comes to visit me, covering his whole body with thousands of burning flames. Every single time he appears he wipes all my tears away but instead of comforting me, he asks me, "Will you come with me today?" My unsure rejection draw a smile on his emotionless face maybe because he knows I lied or what i am desperate. Our deep conversations reflects his spirituality as he pulls my heart strings to his side, using every word he say. For he use pretty words to speak the ugly truth, he is so my type as I feel he is capable of finding answers to all my frustrations with no debates. Every single day he asks me to take his hand, walk with him and stay in peace at his resort. He promises no one will ever bother me as long as I am one of his belongs.
"Should I go or should I stay?" Is what I wonder all day.

..On Suicide..

                               -Niki-

Somebody Must Have Told Him

 

Nothing in life we see is true,

Try hard but there's no clue,

So give up what else to do,

While no one knows the person you.

He said "It's hard to live",

It's something everyone knew,

So he chose to die and not to live,

Who'll cry, who'll smile he never knew.

If you wanna die there are so many ways you can take, 

But to live you can only walk as soon as you wake, 

If you choose to die sure you'll miss whole lot of pain, 

What about the happiness? don't you think then you'll miss that as same?

No sadness last long forever,

No happiness last long forever,

Life has nothing lasts forever,

But still we live for the word forever.

I think he thought it is meaningless,

But I believe that hope is better than hopeless,

To fight so hard to find a life, meaningful,

I guess he never knew such a thing,
wonderful.

Unlike him I chose to live, maybe it's my weakness,

But I still see a beauty in every single sadness,

Walking through the meaningless road he explains as a war,

I see many interesting stuff, I guess he never saw.

I wonder with those beautiful wings he got, why doesn't he ever try to fly?

When he fell down somebody must have told him, it's okay to cry,

Life is a mixed song with lots of different major and minor keys,

Still I wish somebody must have told him to live to see how wonderful it is.

-Niki-

The Beautiful Truth Death Hides

The one who won from the battle between the angels who live inside your heart and the demons who trapped inside your head only matters when the death calls you to say a grim reaper is on his way.....

Everyone else says 'he died', but I say 'he lived.' Because I know the beautiful life he led. When I see them crying because they missed him, I smile because I found him. Yes, I found him right next to my shoulder. And then they say 'he's gone', but I see him coming towards me as an angel every single day. I know even time flies day by day he'll still be here with me. While whispering  warm words to my ear to give me strength for things I fear. I can talk with him any time to tell him how I feel. His speechless smile speaks thousands of words a living human can never speak. So maybe the death has power to separate us physicially but never mentally. As I see how powerless the death is from my whole heart. And that's the beautiful secret, the death holds is all about!!!

If you think you lost someone because of the death, think again.

                                                     -Niki-